Terry Hargrave - The Sandwich Generation

• Vortrag in Roseneck am 19.09.2012
• Sandwich Generation:
  • 45-75 Jahre
  • gleichzeitig Pflege der alten Eltern und Versorgung der nicht selbständigen Kinder

caregiving

big issue

• Lebenserwartung steigt (50% der heute Geborenen werden 100 Jahre)
• staatliche Unterstützung wird ökonomisch nicht mehr möglich sein (economic recovery → U/V/L-shaped!) → family - community - government support
• aus tödlichen Krankheiten werden chronische Krankheiten (Herz-Kreislauf, Krebs, HIV, ...)

Modell: wer versorgt die alten Eltern?

aging member
     ↑
One primary caregiver (expectations?)
     ↑
One primary caregiver support group

who: sibblings, partner / spouse
what: money (housecleaning, Erbe!), spare time (relationships), care!

• don't divide caregiving! fairness!
• challenge for the sandwich generation: organize support group!
• im therapeutischen Prozess: Familiengespräch mit Eltern, Kinder, Partner, Geschwister

Phasen der Realisation

• ähnlich wie Sterbephasen nach Kübler-Ross:
  1. Denial (Nichtwahrhabenwollen, Leugnen)
  2. Anger (Zorn)
  3. Bargaining (Verhandeln)
  4. Depression
  5. Acceptance (Akzeptanz)

keep in mind:

• elder people fight for their independence, don't want to be dependent
• they might complain about the caregiver ;rarr, Familiengespräch! Wer soll es übernehmen?
• take care that the caregiving relationship is not more important than the partner relationship and the family relationship

• the ultimate expression of love: caregiving of elder! Es wird nicht besser, Du bekommst nichts zurück (?)

issues in caregiving

1. help mentality → responsibility
   (daily fights → intergenerational fairness)
2. guilt → choice
3. burden → learning opportunity, "openhandedness"
   • focus on relationship, not behaviour
   • resolve old issues!
4. Evenness: balance between caregiving, family, marriage, individual life
   → allow others to care for you!
5. life satisfaction based on independence → happiness based on relationship

parenting

• lifespan feature: in jedem Alter Vorbildfunktion für Kinder!
• "Mottos" für die Kinder
  • "You can't do anything except the next game"
  • "It's totally out of your control"
    → be prepared to fail!
    • have an alternate plan
    • be realistic

boundaries

• important for family collaboration
• "when everything's done, there's always fence work"
• make a plan to move out, sing it
• Rules:
  • Boundaries
  • Safe Harbor
  • Three Safes: you have only 3 shots → stop resolving problems for them (Einstellung!)
  • clear consequences

links

http://www.terryhargrave.com/